Big Dope constantly loses his wife. That’s partly because he
loses things and partly because she’s a diminutive person and moves in random
and undetectable movements, like some distant star which we can’t see but we
discern its presence by the movement of other celestial bodies toward it.
Big Dope is walking around looking for his wife and can’t
find her anywhere. I’m in my usual early morning shape of Arnold Awesome watching
a Bowery Boys movie. He interrupts my act of minding my own business and
asks if I’ve seen her.
“Nope. Want me to look for her?” Sometimes she hides from
him early in the morning because he goes around singing old church hymns, and
that gets on her nerves something awful.
“Nah,” he says. “I guess the Rapture has occurred.”
“The rapture?”
“Don’t you know anything? Look it up.”
I go back to the movie. Halfway through it, guess who walks
by looking for her husband? I disavow any knowledge and go back to watching
Huntz Hall and the gang.
“I guess he thinks I have disappeared forever again,” she
says.
I make the mistake of trusting my GUT to try and help. “You may be right,” I say, “he did mention something concerning a feeling of
intense pleasure or joy.”
Now I’m on what they call “double secret probation” and can’t
watch TV for the rest of the day.
What did I do? I can’t seem to acquire or secure anything as a result
of a contest, conflict, bet, or other endeavor no matter how hard I try. Oh, and those celestial bodies that we can't see but we know are there? The Falloonians discovered your planet by a similar, but opposite, phenomenon. We knew you were here from the sight of so many other bodies moving away from you.
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