Monday, September 28, 2015


Dear Ask The Alien:
Our state loves its football team like Donald Trump loves a headline. The problem is that the team is currently losing every game it plays. My husband is near suicidal. One night he woke up in the middle of the night screaming, “No, no, they’ll spend the money on something stupid like science labs.” Our home life is becoming unbearable. Last evening, I walked in and stood between him and the TV, completely nude with my hands on my hips and my feet wide apart. He just looked, shook his head sadly, and said, "We can't handle the spread offense." Believe it our not, he was talking about football. Please help me.
Loser’s Wife

Dear Loser’s Wife:
On Falloonia, when a sports fan becomes over-agitated, we have members of the team come over and read to him passages from our classic literature. I’m afraid that won’t work in this case for a couple of reasons. So I suggest a substitute to watching football games. Finding one of comparable worth was difficult, but no problem is too great for “Ask The Alien.” So I am forwarding you, under a separate post, the location of a TV channel that consists of a camera trained on a large tropical aquarium 24 hours a day. In one week, your husband should be back to abnormal. If this doesn't work, contact me for a personal counseling session.
Your Friend,
The Alien C.W

Oh, that your species could get this
excited over matrix algebra. - C.W.

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