“What, over in Kentucky?” I said.
“This county employee that won’t do her job. She’s a pill,
by golly.” He cackled.
“Oh the woman who doesn’t like gay couples and won’t give
them marriage licenses?”
“That’s the one. She says it’s not because she don’t like
gays.”
“Yes.” I said, “and Robert E. Lee said he didn’t wage war
against his own country four years because he didn’t like black people.”
He looked at me funny. “He always said that violating his oath
had nothing to do with slavery,” he said. “In fact, he was agin’ it.”
“Yes,” I said, “and I suppose that’s why, when his army
marched into Pennsylvania, they rounded up all the free African-Americans they
could find and sent them South to be sold, according to the scriptures.”
“Hmmm,” he said. “But about this sister in Kentucky.”
“What about her?”
“She says it ain’t Biblical for a person to marry gays.”
“Well,” I said. “It ain’t Biblical for one person to judge another person, either.”
“She thinks she’s acting on higher authority.”
“So did the World Trade Center bombers.”
“You don’t like her much, do you?”
“I don’t know her,” I said.
“But you don’t thinks
she would pass the pass ‘The Trip To the Calvinasian
Galaxy Test,’ I reckon.”
“The Trip To the Calvinasian
Galaxy Test?”
“To take a long trip confined in a spaceship with a nutcase.”
“We call it,” I said, “The Trip To California Test.’ And no,
I hardly think I would like to make it with her. Besides, she’s breaking the
law and violating her duty to observe it.”
“But she cites a scripture to support herself.”
“So do parents who beat their children to death.”
“Are you telling me,” he said, “that your species is free to
cite any scripture that supports their insanity and ignore those that don’t?”
“That’s pretty much it,”
“That’s Kopapilakrapuhdae,”
he said.
 |
| Making sense of things in Kentucky is as hard as making sense of banjo music. - C.W. |
“No doubt,” I said.
“So, say I … uh … say a woman was to bust up all her husband’s
guitars and banjoes, based on the scripture that says ‘Make a joyful noise,’
and the sounds y…, uh, the man was making wasn’t very joyful, there would be
spiritual absolution?”
“Not at all,” I said, “any scholar of the scriptures knows
that a woman exists solely to serve her husband, and that would hardly be serving
him, now would it?”
“Have you explained that to Mrs. Big Dope?”’
“She doesn’t need to understand it. As Job said, ‘Can anyone
understand the spreading of the clouds, the thunderings of his pavilion?.’”
He started to cackle and said, “That’s purty good, so …” he
stopped and turned toward the TV. “Wait,” he said, “they’re going live to
Kentucky. Hey … can you hear that banjo music playing?”
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