Sunday, November 24, 2019


Big Dope plays these strange games with me on Sunday mornings. He makes me practice your language. He says he has words that aren’t in my Galactic Universal Translator. He gives me words and challenges me to translate. I think he makes them up. What do you think?

The first word he gave me this morning was “Remakeacide.”

What? He gave me a hint. “It’s a first-cousin to ‘Serialcide.’”

I gave up. He says, “It’s when you stink up the memory of a great movie.” How many versions of ‘A Star is Born’ have they made, none ever measuring to the first notch of the original 1937 film with Janet Gaynor and Fredric March?”

I had no idea what he was talking about.

“The Hunchback of Notre Dame,” he said. Lon Chaney must be turning in his grave. And Steve Martin as Inspector Jacques Clouseau? Mattie Ross as a sexy little cute sprite?”

“Do you have another one?” I was getting bored.

He said, “How about ‘overadverbilization,?’” he said. “I’m seriously considering this as board game.”

I got that one. It’s something he does all the time.

He frowned. “Let’s move to politics.”

“Must we?” I forgot to tell you. I was shaped as Gomer Pyle at the time.

“Whopperizing,” he said. He smiled.

“Are you serious?”

“I’m the most serious person in the history of America,” he said. “There’s never been anyone more serious than me. Everybody in the world loves me because I’m so serious. I’ve been elected to the Serious Person Hall of Fame. I never lie. What do you think about that?”

“Well gollee,” I said. “I may just trust my GUT.”

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