Saturday, November 30, 2019

Never Explain

You should try getting information from Big Dope. Take yesterday. All I wanted to know was the meaning of what you Earthlings call “Black Friday.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered him while he was playing his banjo. “Dummkopf,” was all he said. My Galactic Universal Translator indicates that this is not a complimentary term.

I usually trust my GUT, but Left Head had to push it. “Don’t white people take part in it too?”

Idiota,” he said.

My GUT told me to drop it, but Right Head intervened. "Isn’t your job to enlighten us on Earthling customs?”

Dinky đầu! Beaucoup dinky đầu!”

I determined that is was time for adult involvement. “Just give us a good explanation in plain English,” Can’t you provide a simple thought in your native tongue?”

His face turned read, veins stood out on his throat. He raised a finger toward the ceiling and struggled to find his voice.

“Notafinga,’ he said. “Noafinga eye god!”

We should have let it drop. Our GUT told us so. But Right Head, always the voice of reason, nodded in to calm the situation. “Why don’t you just take us shopping? We’ll shift into that woman running for Governor.”

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