Despite my best efforts, I could not get Big Dope, or anyone
else in the family, to stay up until midnight and enjoy that most peculiar
practice you have of welcoming the New Year.
We have no tradition on Falloonia that is exactly similar to
this celebration as our climate is more fixed and steady than yours. So we don’t
celebrate a passage of time, but rather a passage of epochs.
For example, we celebrated when we made the collective
choice that Mindeavorlists were no longer inferior to Epicatasrophists. It is
written that it was a choice that created much peace and harmony. By making it
a source of a planet-wide celebration, we assured ourselves that we would not
slide back into the old prejudices, as some of your species seem prone to do
from time to time.
I still must say, though, that there is something uplifting
about an annual period of self-examination and resolve. Of course I realize
that the resolves are not binding (see mine of last week). Nonetheless, it is
uplifting to see the celebration of a new start. To this end, I have made the
following suggestions for Big Dope to enact for the coming year.
- C.W. is to have his own car
- C.W. is to have his own thick piece of soft material used
to reduce friction or jarring (Editor’s
note: he means “pad.”)
C.W. can invite friends over for slumber parties and this
includes Repicanastors and their accompanists.
 |
| May this year be the one during which your species finds a philosophy of peace, love, and respect for all peoples. - C.W. |
- Mrs. Big Dope will let C.W. have his accordion back
- Double secret probation will no longer be used for
punishment
- The statute of limitations will expire on all previous
practical jokes, and
- C.W. will once again be allowed to assume the shape of
Rick Santorum and go to gay bars.
Please support me in these with your comments and
exhortations.
Happy New Year!
Your friend,
The Alien C.W.
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