Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy New Year

Dear Friends and Followers

Despite my best efforts, I could not get Big Dope, or anyone else in the family, to stay up until midnight and enjoy that most peculiar practice you have of welcoming the New Year.

We have no tradition on Falloonia that is exactly similar to this celebration as our climate is more fixed and steady than yours. So we don’t celebrate a passage of time, but rather a passage of epochs.

For example, we celebrated when we made the collective choice that Mindeavorlists were no longer inferior to Epicatasrophists. It is written that it was a choice that created much peace and harmony. By making it a source of a planet-wide celebration, we assured ourselves that we would not slide back into the old prejudices, as some of your species seem prone to do from time to time.

I still must say, though, that there is something uplifting about an annual period of self-examination and resolve. Of course I realize that the resolves are not binding (see mine of last week). Nonetheless, it is uplifting to see the celebration of a new start. To this end, I have made the following suggestions for Big Dope to enact for the coming year.

- C.W. is to have his own car

- C.W. is to have his own thick piece of soft material used to reduce friction or jarring (Editor’s note: he means “pad.”)

C.W. can invite friends over for slumber parties and this includes Repicanastors and their accompanists.

May this year be the one during which your
species finds a philosophy of peace, love, and
respect for all peoples. - C.W.
- Mrs. Big Dope will let C.W. have his accordion back

- Double secret probation will no longer be used for punishment

- The statute of limitations will expire on all previous practical jokes, and

- C.W. will once again be allowed to assume the shape of Rick Santorum and go to gay bars.

Please support me in these with your comments and exhortations.

Happy New Year!

Your friend,

The Alien C.W.

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