Travels With an Alien: Interim Query

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Interim Query

This interim query just in from the Alien C.W.

- Hey Big Dope: I’ve been doing some research on your species and it is now official: more than 95% of those who deny the scientific principles of natural selection reside in the cohort that demands antibiotic treatments for a common cold or influenza.

Can you explain this?

- C.W.

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Dictionary of Falloonian Phrases

C.W. often uses phrases from his home planet to express thoughts. These appear below as they are used in the daily posts.

Berilincha: The chewing off of one’s own genitals, slang for an act that does not portend long-range good fortune. The phrase might be compared to the American "Cutting off your own nose to spite your face." One can notice the Falloonian penchant for the more melodramatic in the formation of this metaphor.

Consuractic: A series of irrational acts, one leading to the other. It literally translates as despoiling your food with your own feces and then saying that you’re hungry.

Contacura++: Literally, the act of sitting on a baby’s face, i.e. a foolish course of action. He often uses the term in discourse to describe the short-term decisions of our species that can had disastrous long-term effects. See also Jared Diamond's seminal work Collapse.

Lashewenga: The act of eating with your toes, which Fallooninans can do if they wish but, of course, don't encourage. It refers to an act that may accomplish a purpose but in an unseemly way.

Shalowaraten++: A verbal trick implying that "black is not black when I want it to be white," i.e. the act of disavowing a command by claiming that one is taking it out of context. For example, "Take all your money and give it to the poor" actually means "God wants you to be rich" and "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" means "Nuke 'em back to the stone-age." See also: Joel Olsteen.

Wanakalate++: To perform a physically impossible act such as, for a Falloonian, licking aBakataloran Tree. Falloonians can’t extend their tongues outside their mouths so that would not happen. Since it would be quite tasty, and therefore pleasurable, C.W. uses it to replace a vulgar American phrase implying a potentially pleasurable but physically impossible act.

Wabobeling: There is not a literal translation. C.W. usually uses the term for an approximation of "masturbation."

Travels With an Alien

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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Interim Query

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Dictionary of Falloonian Phrases