Irreverence

I'm still laughing. I decided to surprise Big Dope this morning and shapeshifted into what I thought was a good rendition of John Paul Jones, the legendary naval man. It didn't phase him a bit. He sat with this coffee and began regaling me with heroics he pulled while in the uniform of  United States Navy.

"I once brought down a plane, single-handily," he said. "The Commies tried to disguise it and fool us. But it didn't fool me. I don't care what the fake news says. I was the greatest sailor in the history of the United States Navy. Check it out."

I questioned his lack of reverence. "Listen," he said. "Belay all that talk and dump it over the fantail. Had I dropped anchor and stayed in the Navy, I might have become an admiral, like my friend who has become a Major General."

I put on my best nautical face. "I think maybe you dragged your anchor too many times."

"Did not," he said.

"Did."

Here, readers, you decide. Is this admiral material?

Recognition

I’m such a pushover. Big Dope is enjoying his last hours without adult supervision. He’s acting a little strange, even for him. I won’t say what he’s up to for other people may see this and report to the authorities, or “The Authority,” if you choose.

Sensing my amicability (a Falloonian trait known through numerous galaxies) he asked me to take the current rescue puppy for her morning walk. I put on my best smile. “Hell no,” I said. “do it yourself.”

Falloonian kindness only goes so far.

“I’ll get you your own laptop,” he said.

“With Kingdom Hearts 3?"

“And Resident Evil 2.”

“Could I have some fun on the walk?”

Minutes later I was leading the little demon through a city park near here. The first shape I chose was the Frankenstein monster. There were only a few kids playing in the park. One was swinging and looking at her cell phone as I walked by. There were a couple of others walking around the track. One was talking on her phone. I walked right past her. The other did look at me. She frowned and said, “Halloween’s past, old Boomer.” I pondered this and walked on.

Feeling discouraged, I led Miss Demolition into a wooded but vacant lot. I shifted into a shape I knew would elicit recognition. Oh yes. Elvis. I tried it out on the track. The two girls looked at me and walked right past. I couldn’t resist.

“Ladies,” I said. “Don’t you recognize me?”

They looked at me intently. “No,” said the older of the two. “Who the hell are you?”

Concentration

I had fun yesterday. I shifted into a teenager and went walking downtown. I put cell phone up about six inches from my face. Then I’d bump into people on purpose to see what they would do. Was I surprised. They mostly said “Excuse me,” and moved aside. I couldn’t believe it. So then I stood at a busy street corner and pretended I was going to walk into traffic while looking at my phone.

Can you believe it? The cars all stopped to let me pass.

Of course the Falloonian Elders didn’t believe this when I reported it. Mrs. Big Dope just laughed and told me seeing about a father in a restaurant who was spoon feeding an eight-year-old son who wouldn’t take his hand or eyes from his cell phone.

No wonder the folks back home don’t believe me.