“And just how do you propose to strike it rich this time,” I
said as he appeared in one of his favorite forms, Richie the member of the Young
Conservatives of America.
“Easy,” he said, straightening his club tie. “I’m starting a
charter school corporation."
“And?”
“It will be designed for children of parents who fear the
advance of knowledge.”
“Your conservative friends.”
“Without vaguess.”
“Exactly what will you teach?”
“Controversies.”
“Controversies?”
“Controversies. In fact the name will be Controversy
Charters Incorporated.”
“You must be kidding me.”
“Why would I make you a baby goat?"
“No,” I said, “you can’t be serious.”
“Why not? Your species seems addicted to alternate versions
of the truth. I’m simply filling a demand.”
“That’s what Al Capone said.”
“Who?”
“Never mind. What makes you think you could be paid to teach
alternate versions of the truth?”
He said, “Didn’t your own state just award a charter to a
company that had used in its curriculum a mythical version of science,
something called ‘creationism?’”
“Seems I read that.”
“Interesting,” he said, producing a set of notes. “That myth
has, in itself evolved, no pun intended.”
“Evolved?”
“Yes,’ he said, reading. “It began as something called ‘creation
science,’ then evolved into ‘creationism,’ then into ‘evidence against evolution,’
then ‘intelligent design,’ and finally, ‘teach the controversy’ and it has all
generated a great deal of merriment within the Galaxy.”
“I’m glad we provide a service,” I said. “So what controversies
will you teach?”
“Glad you asked,” he said, handing me a sheet spelling out
the course curriculum, I read:
Unicorns: Nonexistant or Just Shy?
Earth: Round or Do We Just See it That Way?
Introduction to Witch Identification
Earth-Sun Revolution Realities—The Day the Earth Really Stood Still
Air and Water Pollution: Nature's Character Builders
The Life and Death of Paul McCartney
Moon Landing Conspiracies
Preparing Guardian Angels for Tsunamis
Osama Bin Laden: Comparative Theories
Anti-Christ Identification: The Clinton-Obama Controversies
Contrails: Government Plot or Alien Panspermation?
I said, “Maybe you should tread lightly on the alien angle.”
“Hmm.” He took the sheet from me and made a notation. “Maybe
we’ll move that to ‘Advanced Placement,’ along with the 9-11 Controversies.”
I groaned. He said, “Got to go. Can I borrow your car? I have
to pick up a man at the airport from Liberty University.”
This would seem even more hilarious to the Galaxy if so many of your species didn't believe that your Civil War wasn't about slavery. - C.W. |
I must have looked confused.
“He’s bringing plans for the new building.”
“New building? You’re constructing a new school building?”
“Yes.” He beamed and smiled. “It’s going to be a replica of
Noah’s Ark, with the stalls serving as classrooms.”
I slumped into a chair. “Beam me up, Scotty,” I said.
He frowned. “Don’t be silly,” he said. “You know that could
never work.” His face brightened. “You know that,” he said, “and I know that.”
He began to make notes. “But they don’t know that.” He looked away, thought for
a few seconds, and resumed writing. “Tele-transportation—How The Government Keeps it a
Secret.” He thanked me, took my keys, and ran out the door singing “Happy Days
Are Here Again.”
Also check out www.wattensawpress.com
Also check out www.wattensawpress.com
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