Found C.W. I guess I should more appropriately say I found
C.W. looking like a cross between Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp scrolling through
my computer. I started to speak, “What the …”
“Shhh,” he said. “I’m busy.”
“Doing what?”
“Trying to find her.” He changed screens. “She’s free, you
know.”
“Who?”
“Why Big Bang’s
Penny,” he said. “Haven’t you heard?”
“You mean Kaley Cuoco, the actress?”
“No, Big Bang’s
Penny.”
“Okay,” I said. “So what about her?”
“She and her husband are divorcing.”
“Oh, and we are happy for what reason?”
He beamed. “I need to let her know that I’m available.”
“C.W.,” I said, “she is an actress who plays a part on
television, not a real person.”
“But she is available.”
“The actress will soon be single. That doesn’t mean that she
will be available.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Is she lighthearted and carefree, tending toward the happy
and good-spirited?”
“She is not 'gay' as far as I know.”
“Well,” he said. “Then I shall send her this letter.” He
held a sheet out toward me.
“And what will you say?”
“That I’m willing.”
“You’re willing?”
“Heck yes.”
I groaned. “C.W., you’re an illegal immigrant, a
shapeshifter, and a Falloonian. What do you mean you’re willing?”
“I mean a man from outer space could put a smile on her
face.” His eyes widened. “Oh …,” he said and turned to type on the computer.
“I’m not even sure that you are a man, if they have such
things as male and female on Falloonia.”
He looked up, thought, and tacked. “Why do couples among
your culture get divorced?”
“I guess they realize they made a mistake in choosing a
mate.”
“Why do they get married again?”
“Optimism, I suppose. They think maybe they’ll get it right the
second time.”
“Then why do some get divorced a second time?”
“They choose poorly again?”
“Then remarry?”
I shrugged. “Is this conversation going somewhere?”
“You and Mrs. Big Dope never divorced, did you?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“We love and cherish one another, I suppose.”
“That’s not what she says.”
“Oh?”
“I think I remember the phrase, ‘not worth the trouble’ in
her explanation.”
“When did she say that?”
He ignored me. ”But back to divorce and remarriage, four
times seems a lot for someone, even with your belief in optimism within your
species.”
“Yes. Four times is a lot.”
“And according to your dominant religion, once is considered
a sin?”
“Very much so.”
“Like loving money?”
“Yes.”
“And proclaiming your faith in the public square instead of in
your closet?”
“Ditto.”
“And being judgemental?”
 |
I'm optimistic that some women can find the right
mate after one unsuccessful marriage. - C.W. |
“Are you going to take up “The Cloth” or something?”
“I already tried that. By the time I got to ‘Blessed are the
meek’ half my congregation had walked out. ‘Blessed are the peace-makers’ got
the rest of them.” He took a deep breath. “But tell me something.”
“I’ll try.”
He handed me the beginning of a letter he had been writing. “Do
you think this will work? I’m betting it will.”
I read. It said, “Earthlings got you down? Look to the
Cosmos. Once you go stellar, you’ll not want another feller.”
I was stunned. “You are giving me a headache,” I said. I’m
sure you’ll give her one.”
“No,” he said, “I’ll give her the hope that comes from faith
in a higher life-form, a real sexy one.”
Please click some ads. They help pay my postage. Oh, and see www.wattensawpress.com
And ... www.allhatnocattle.com
Finally, buy Big Dope's book so he'll shut up about it.
- C.W.
