It’s this way. Big Dope is preoccupied and asked me to take
over the reporting duties this week. As he stated on a VisageDocument post last
week, he is now the one looking to make a fast dollar. It’s with a new book
outlining ways to fail the military draft induction physical.
When he first mentioned it, I had to ask. “What is a draft
induction physical? Better yet, what is a draft?”
“You’ve never heard of a draft?”
“Like when your species pulls young college students out of
their classes to make them play a child’s game for money?”
“Kinda, but not quite.”
I consulted my GUT. “Like when poor preparation allows a
noxious wind to blow through your environment?”
“Kinda, but not quite.”
“Like a poorly thought out first attempt that deserves much additional
thought and revision?”
“Kinda,” he said, “but not quite.”
“Oh,” I said. “I know. It’s like what race car drivers do.
You line up behind someone else who is actually putting forth the effort from
which you benefit while you do nothing at all.”
“Bingo,” he said. I was more confused than ever.
When he explained, I was astounded. “You claim,” I said, “that
your country once forced young men to join the military and perhaps go to war
against their will? That’s absurd. I don’t believe you.”
“Trust me on this one,” he said.
“So they are going to resume this barbaric practice?”
“How does one avoid it?”
“Two ways,” he said, “and the first is how I’m going to make
money.”
“Articulate.”
“One simply fails the physical exam given just before
induction. I’m documenting all the ways we tried it back in the 1960s, but for
this new generation.”
“What kind of ways?”
“Oh,” he said, “ways like eating a half-bar of soap before
going to the induction center to cause false readings, or ingesting massive
amounts of aspirin to elevate you blood pressure, lifting huge weights to
induce a hernia.”
“My goodness,” he said. “Did they work?”
“Nope.”
Now I really was bewildered. “They
didn’t work, but you are going to write a book documenting them for future use?”
“Yep.”
“I’m confused. How can you
convince people that they should buy a book outlining solutions that don’t
work?”
 |
| Well ... you have to admit, don't you? It is nice to feel wanted. - C.W. |
“You see,” he said, “a population
illogical enough to vote for political candidates that promise to take their
country into a foreign will fall for anything.”
He had me there. No use arguing
the point. “But,” I said, “you mentioned that there were two ways to avoid this
draft.”
“Quite so,” he said. “The other will
work 100 percent of the time, but for only one percent of the young men and women facing
the military draft.”
“And,” I said, “what is this absolutely
foolproof method of avoiding military service?”
“Same thing as always,” he said.
“Which is?”
“Tell them your daddy’s name.”
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And buy Big Dope's book It's really quite good.
