Sunday, September 29, 2013


C.W. is worrying me to death with questions. Actually, I’m already worried to death about my country and he is increasing the burden. At least I can say he has chosen a serious shape in which to torment me. He calls himself Vic the Veteran, and appeared in full uniform.

“Tell me,” he said when he first appeared and interfered with my solitude. “How does your species go about elected its leaders?”

“You know perfectly well,” I said. “We’ve been through this before.”

He thought for a moment, a practice that is quite unusual for him.

“No,” he said. “I mean where do the candidates come from?”

“From the people,” I said. “From where do you think they come?”

“Judging from the actions of some,” he said. “from the darkest corner of what your religious folk call Hell.”

“I’m sure they would disagree with you,” I said. “They are quite certain that they are doing the Lord’s work.”

“By starving the poor and neglecting the sick and wounded?”

“They think that makes them stronger.”

“Themselves or the poor and sick among us?”

“Both, I suppose.”

“There you go again,” he said. “Now tell me, is there a Perwhoppacruci Office in your government?”

“A what?”

“An office that punishes those who say things which indicate being slow of mind.”

“You mean those who say stupid things?”

“As I just said.”

“No. Do they punish Falloonians who say stupid things?”

“Yes. They must clean the Clistacitrd stalls on during their time off from studies and mind expansion.”

“That’s bad?”

“You don’t even want to know.”

“Oh,” I said.

“So back to this habit of saying that which is ridiculous,” he said. “It permits one of our military officers to say ‘The only way to save that village was to destroy’ and not be chastised for it?”

“We don’t chastise ourselves for saying dumb things.”

“Someone could get away with ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is to be prepared.'''


“As the rich get richer, money will trickle down to the poor?”


''Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.'' 


“We are going to have peace, even if we have to fight for it?”

“Quite so.”

''When the President does it, that means it's not illegal.''

“Oh yes.”

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do."

“We elected that one twice.”

“And,” he said. “he is the father of my personal favorite.”

“Which is?”

“Facts are stupid things.”

Why is it that the youngest among your
species is often the most prescient? - C.W. 
“Stop it,” I said. “You’re about to make me laugh and this is not a time for jollity.”
“Oh no?”

“No. A group of the worst of those among us are about to shut our government down and perhaps destroy our economy.”

“And you are not laughing?”

“Of course not.”

“That’s odd,” he said.

“What’s so odd about it?”

“Oh,” he said. “It’s just that your species has kept us Falloonians and the rest of the galaxy in stitches for years.”

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