211. Ignorance

He was glassy-eyed and groggy, not the usual demeanor for C.W. His moves were a little robotic and his head would jerk from side to side when I spoke to him. What was up?

“You okay?”

“No,” he said, “I’m worried.”

“About what?”

“The unemployment rate.”

“The unemployment rate?”

“Yes, it has risen.”

“Uh,” I said, I think it has gone down.”

“No,” he said, “you think you know everything but you don’t know anything. The unemployment rate was 4.2 percent and now it is 6.3 percent. This African-American is destroying your country.”

“President Obama?”

“That’s him. He’s raised the unemployment rate more than two percent.”

“C.W.,” I said, “when was the unemployment rate 4.2 percent?”

“Before Obama took office.”

“I think you will find that it was 4.2 percent some eight years before he took office.”

“That’s before he took office, ain’t it?”

I groaned.

He said, “And there was a budget surplus before Obama took office. What do you say about that?”

“I would say … when?”

“Doesn’t matter, but it was before he took office. Now there is a deficit of 680 billion. I tell you, he is destroying your country.”

“Wait a moment,” I said. I punched on the computer. “There,” I said, “that budget surplus you mentioned was for fiscal year 2000, that’s 14 years ago.”

“Exactly,” he said, “and since this, …  this, man of color has been in office, it is a deficit.”

“Uh,” I said, “would it surprise you to learn that he inherited a deficit of 800 million?”

“Liberal lies,” he said. “Just more liberal lies from the ‘lame-stream media’ that you liberals love so much.” His head began to wag from side to side.

I said, “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

“I’m just longing for a return to traditional values,” he said.

“What sort of traditional values?”

“You know,” he said. “Values based on the King James Version of the Bible. Values that formed a solid society.”

“One with slaves?”

“Traditional values,”

“One where women were paid half of what men were paid for the same job and had to answer ads seeking a ‘cute and perky’ secretary?”

“Traditional values.”

“Where a person gave all their money to the poor?”

“Tradi …” he stopped. “Say, what are you doing, trying to change the subject?”

“Why don’t we?”

Just wait until this bombshell
hits the liberal media. - C.W.

“Okay,” he said. “Did you know that Chelsea Clinton may have fathered a child with Mike Tyson, the prize fighter?

“C.W.,” I said. “Have you been watching Fox News all day again?”

He said, “Benghazi.”

“Have you?”

“Benghazi.”

“C.W., look at me.”

“Benghazi.”

 

Click an ad for my new computer.

And, check out www.wattensawpress.com

- C.W.

44. Paying

It was finally warm enough to go outdoors and C.W. said he would meet me for a walk. When I met him near the Clinton School for Public Service he was dressed a lot like Brad Pitt in the move “Troy.” There was one exception, he wore a paisley robe and he affected a mincing sort of walk like John Wayne’s.

“Who the hell are you supposed to be?” I said.

Without missing a stride, he turned his face toward mine and said, in a voice somewhere between tenor and soprano, “I am the Great Alexander, come to save your species.”

“Say what?”

“You are treading on the eve of destruction and I am going to lead you back.”

“And how exactly,” I said. “Are you going to accomplish that?”

“Have you not read of my exploits?”

“Oh yes.”

“And how I solved the problem of the ‘Gordian Knot?’”

“Well, sometimes that is treated more as myth than history. But yes, I remember the story.”

As he reached for it, I noticed his sword for the first time. Its sheath was encrusted with pearl and the material was color-coordinated with his robe.

As he grasped the handle, he explained. “Then you know how the great king Midas had tied an ox to a pole in the middle of Gordium using a knot so intricate in design that the ruler allowed as the one who could loose the knot would rule all of Asia.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“And you know how I loosed it?”

“With your sword?”

“And I didn’t even have to whack it very hard,” he said rather softly.

“So what does this have to do with saving my species?”

“It seems,” he said. “That your government has gotten itself into a mess by spending more money than it takes in.”

“Seems so,” I agreed.

“And there was this ...,” he stopped for a second and looked out across the river. “I can’t force myself to call him a ruler.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There was this man who started two wars without a plan to pay for their cost.”

“Oh, that man,” I said.

“And now you are in a real mess and on the verge of financial collapse.”

“Seem so,” I said.

“I know a little something about wars.” He said.

“So I have heard.” I always go along with him when he is on a roll.

You folks really don't have a clue, do you? - C.W.

“First, they are almost as much fun as flower-arranging.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Second, I made my people pay for them as long as they would.” With this he drew his sword and brought it down upon the imaginary knot binding the country’s financial freedom.

“You know,” he said. “If I were to fly visitors into your country from all over the galaxy—and I won’t because some of them are quite scary—they would be amazed at your species’ blindness in the connection between having things and paying for them.”