375. Brevity

There could be no doubt of it. C.W. was down in the dumps. The first clue was the shape he had chosen for the day. Remember the silent film star Buster Keaton’s sad look? Keep it in mind.

“What’s up?”

“Bad news. Very bad news.”

“Oh?”

“Just received my quarterly evaluation from the Falloonian elders.”

“Not a glowing approval?”

“I’ve been accused of mkeenafrecnmesofyt.”

“Uh?”

“Roughly speaking, they say I tend to overstate, over-analyze, over-complicate, over-symptomize, over-explain, and waste their time.”

“That’s a long list of transgressions.”

“My fault.”

“Oh?”

“Yes … I sent them a copy of Roget’s Thesaurus in hopes of helping them understand my reports better.”

“And they devastated you with it?”

“Yes. Remember when we watched that cartoon in which Wiley Coyote was run over by the Acme truck and you had to explain the humor to me? You called it ironing.”

“Irony.”

“Whatever.” He was clearly in a dark mood.”

“Can you give me some examples?”

“I prepared and transmitted a comprehensive, 110-page report on the current state of politics in your country.”

“That sounds commendable. What happened?”

“They sent a message saying they didn’t have time to read all that. They recommended just saying ‘They need to elect better people to office,’ and be done with it.”

“I see. Are there others?”

“I responded to a request to explain why your country has been at war with various countries for 15 years with nothing to show for it.”

“And?”

He reached into a pocket and retrieved a scrap of paper. He held it and read, “Why couldn’t you just have said, ‘mass-insanity’ and be done with it?”

“That’s pretty strong.”

“Oh, you should have seen the one in response to my explanation of why your species is destroying the planet.”

“I can imagine.”

“Oh no you can’t. You don’t know the meaning of the word Falloonian word Frtlihtinanishol in the context of describing a sitting political leader.”

“I suppose not. But I do know you worked hard on your report on our obsession with guns and violence.”

“All 200 pages of it, sent as a rush order after the recent case where that news reporter got smacked by the political candidate.”

“I read parts of it. I thought it brilliant. I particularly found your thesis compelling in which you surmised that the companies that manufacture products used for violence are helping to aggrandize violence.”

“For the purpose of boosting sales,” he said.

“Yes. That must have impressed them.”

He shook his head, Buster Keaton style. “They have a different explanation.”

“Oh?”

“They boiled it down one word.”

 

Your species certainly
seems obsessed with
having the biggest or most. - C.W.

“Really?”

“Yes. Wistahhdabeegern”

“And that means?”

“Roughly translated?”

“That’ll work.”

“Penis envy.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
  See also:

Delta Dreaming
All Hat No Cattle
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