Yes. That Galilean —white robes, sandals and all.
It’s not just one shape. It’s two: the Galilean and a pal. (He
can do that if he wants). Anyway, they’ve been going everywhere together, the
one in his robe and the other in a three-piece suit with vest and tie-pin. They’ve
already been thrown out of a Chick-fil-a
and menaced at Hobby Lobby.
Did I mention that they don’t bother bathing all that often?
Of course the one wants me to interview the other and pay
close attention to his testimony, that is to say that Three-Piece wants me to
be pals with the Galilean. Actually, I haven’t minded so far, since he always
brings a bottle of “Four Roses Single Barrel” to make the conversation flow
more easily. Three Piece keeps the glasses full while the Galilean pontificates.
Yesterday he was grumbling.
“You won’t believe, Big Dope …”
“Wait,” I said, pointing to Three Piece. “Did he tell you to
call me that?”
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock,” he said. “Does it
matter by which name I call you out?”
Three Piece giggled. “Go on,” I said.
“I get a bum rap,” he said. “Some of your species make up
and blame me for all kinds of cr…”
“Careful,” I said. “Remember that the sun rises on the evil
and on the good.”
“I am the way,” he said. “Let not your heart be troubled.”
I directed us back to the point of the conversation. “So
just how have you been maligned?”
“Haven’t you ever heard of a character named Franklin
Graham?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Joel Osteen?”
“Oh, boy.”
“John Hagee? The guys and I call him Piggy.”
“He’s a work of art all right.”
He had a sad, far-away look in his eyes. “Well, how would
you like to have them invoke your name?”
“Not really,” I said.
“The worst though,” he said, after taking a sip of his Four
Roses and Three Cubes, “was that son of
a …”
“Careful,” I said. “My wife is in the next room.”
“That jerk,” he said, “Algernon Charles Swinburne.”
“Swineburne dissed you?”
“If it were not so, would I have told you?” He drained his
glass and handed it to Three Piece with a flip that indicated a refill.”
“What did Swinburne do, exactly?” We waited for Three Piece.
“Ah,” he said, taking his drink in hand. “It’s nice to have
a dear companion. Ask and it shall be given.” He winked at Three Piece. “I used
to hang out with The Apostle,” he said, “but he wouldn’t get off this ‘thorn in
my side’ kick and it got to where I wouldn’t go into a public restroom with
him.”
“About Swinburne,” I said.
“He wrote this afwful poem,” he said, “in which he judged
others. You know I don’t like that …”
“Others?”
“Well, me,” he said. “Claimed the old gods were bright,
colorful, and full of life.”
“And you?”
He gazed off into space and thought, so he would get the
passage correct. “Me? Try this on for size, ‘Thou hast conquered, O pale
Galilean; the world has grown grey from thy breath.’ I complained to him about
it once.”
 |
| Swinburne can just kiss my grits. - The Galilean |
“And what did he say?”
“'Everyone who humbles himself will be exalted.’ I sort of
like that quote. I’ve used it myself.” He drained his glass. “But I never
though anyone would use it on me.”
I contemplated this for a moment, while Three Piece scurried
about. “So you think the line is unfair?”
“Thanks,” he said to Three Piece. Then he turned to me. “Don’t
you ever read the scriptures?”
I fought the urge to borrow the famous line from General
George S. Patton. Instead, I said, “Well yeah.”
“One of the few who do,” he said. “Anyway, then you know we
were a bunch of wild and crazy guys, back in the day.”
“Oh really?”
“Hell yes,” he said. “Me and my bros just wandered about not
bothering a soul, sipping wine, breaking bread, …” he giggled, “sometimes wind
as well, and telling people to love one another as we loved them.” His eyes
took on that far-away look again. He sipped. “I don’t really recommend that you
do that, though.”
“And why not?’
“You see where it got us, don’t you?”
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