“What?”
“Ik ben een
Amerikaanse”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Soy un Americano.”
“Will you stop it?”
“Je suis un Américain.”
“C.W., will you shut up for a second?”
“Qu'est-ce que vous
voulez?”
“I want you to shut the … to tell me what you are doing?”
“I am preparing,” the figure of a young farm worker, dressed
in work clothes and a straw hat said.
“Preparing for what?”
“Citizenship.”
“Citizenship?” I said.
“The Falloonian Elders think it would be nice if I could
demonstrate an ability to pass.”
“Pass what?”
“Pass as a citizen of your country.”
“Why the languages?”
“Quotas.”
“What do you mean quotas?”
“Don’t you have quotas for citizenship based on country of
origin?”
I thought. “Good point. Best you forget the Spanish. Stick with the northern Europeans.”
“I agree,” he said. “Want to help me with the test?”
“What test?”
“The Elders sent me some practice questions based on my
monthly reports and they wish me to study them.” He held up a large sheath of
papers. He read one and then said, “For example, ‘The teacher at a major
university will receive the highest salary for teaching: 1.physics, 2. heart surgery, 3.chemistry, or
4.football.’ That’s a no-brainer, right?”.
“I’m afraid so.”
“Here’s another. ‘Marijuana is considered an illegal possession
in the United States because, 1.it makes a person do silly things, 2.enforcement
creates jobs, 3.it keeps amateurs out of the production and distribution
processes, or 4.all of the above.”
“Who did you say wrote these?”
“Our planetary research institute. I send them material such
as newspapers and social network videos.”
I must have looked startled.
“How about this one? ‘Social concern for the nation’s needy
children ends 1.upon graduation from high school, 2.after adolescence, 3.after pre-school
status, or 4.after gestation?’”
“And your answer would be?”
“I’m stumped. It would seem to depend upon your political
persuasion.”
“And they think these questions will be on the citizenship
test?”
“Based on your popular media outlets, yes. Here’s another, ‘The
founders of the United States did not wish to maintain a standing army. Today
we consider this attitude 1.stupid, 2.out of date, 3.bad for the economy, or 4.chicken
shit.”
“Chicken shit? Is that really a choice?”
“That’s what they sent me.”
“What kind of material are you sending them?”
“Oh, talk radio broadcasts, news segments, blogs. You know.
Typical Americana.”
“Are you sending them Fox News Broadcasts?”
 |
| Just think fans. Before long I can say "Hello my fellow Americans." - C.W. |
“Want to hear another?”
“C.W.!”
He looked at the floor. “I may have sent them a couple.”
“Sean Hannity?”
“He’s very popular.”
“Rush Limbaugh?”
“How could I ignore him?”
“Don’t tell me that your superiors think they are typical of
our country.”
“Jag är en Amerikansk,”
he said, returning to his studies.
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