216. Opposition

“There is this one thing you do, your species and your country, that I find most admirable.”

That was C.W. speaking. We were having a pleasant walk in Little Rock’s riverside park, he as a middle-age professor type and I as, … well, as myself—can’t do much about that. I was on our outboard side because he tends to want to trip bicyclists when they play their little game of whizzing by pedestrians close enough to brush their clothing. Since the incident in which he sent one arching off into the river, I’ve had to watch him around them. They don’t seem to grasp the fact that he has a 360 degree span of vision.

Anyway, I asked what he found so admirable about our country today.

“This political concept of ‘the loyal opposition’ I find simply remarkable,” he said.

“Say again?”

“This practice you have in which the political party not in power retains its basic beliefs but is loyal to the party in power as regards your country’s well-being.”

“Uh, C.W.”

He continued. “It is a well-established Galactic truth that optimum outcomes in any endeavor occur when polar opposites each contribute to a solution somewhere in between their opposing approaches.”

“Uh, C.W.”

“That’s how I got here,” he said. “We Falloonians developed our abilities in space travel through a long process of sharing of ideas among differing approaches to time-space reality. Your species is to be commended. You may get there someday.”

“Uh, C.W.”

“I mean, could you imagine a country ruled by the polar extremes of a political belief?”

“Uh, C.W.”

“To think you can set aside your political differences when threatened is a sublime thought in anyone’s book.” He stopped. “Asshole!” he shouted at a cyclist. Then he continued. “Simply sublime.”

“Uh, C.W.”

“Such loyalty to the overriding concept of national and worldwide security will see you through. That’s my guess,” he said.

“Uh, C.W.”

“The Falloonian Elders tell us that it took our species over a billion years to develop such an enlightened philosophy of behavior and your species has accomplished it in, what, a couple of hundred thousand years? Truly remarkable.”

“Uh, C.W.”

“What was it your comedian Woody Allen said? ‘To you I am an atheist, but to God I’m the loyal opposition,’ or something like that.”  He smiled.

“Uh,  C.W.”

“Yes,” he said. “When I write the final report on my stay among you Americans, I’ll speak highly of your belief in the loyal opposition.”

“Uh, C.W.,” I said.

“Are you trying to tell me something?”
“Yes.”

Please don't tell me that your children understand
 Galactic truths better than your politicians. - C.W.

“Well just interrupt me, why don’t you? I’m only talking about one of the few things I find comprehensible about the way your countrymen behave. I’m serious about this loyal opposition thing. It’s impressive.” He paused and looked at me. “So… what?”

“We don’t practice it anymore.”

His head snapped toward me. “Ridiculous.”

“Maybe,” I said, “but true.”

“Why? When? Where. What on earth?”

“Why don’t you ask Newt Gingrich,” I said.

 

Please click an ad. Big Dope is planning a trip.

And, check out www.watttensawpress.com