172. News

C.W. and I had our first real argument last week. I think, in retrospect, that he did it just to annoy me. Now, I know he has fans among some of you, but trust me, he is not above “pulling my chain” if it excites some sort of Falloonian “giggle button,” as he calls it. Here’s what happened.

I came in one evening while we were home alone wanting to watch the news on television. There, propped on the couch, was C.W. in one of his favorite shapes, that of Kyle the young yuppie sales rep. He was holding some sort of flavored beer in one hand and a People Magazine in the other. A baseball game blared on the television.

He looked at me and said, “What’s up?”

“Not much,” I said. “Can we change channels?”

“Why?”

“There’s something important going on in America tonight.”

“I know man, the baseball playoffs. I’ve already got the game on.”

“Uh,” I said. “It’s something more important than the baseball playoffs.”

He looked at me with surprised written on his face. “What could be more important than the baseball playoffs?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No,” he said. Then it dawned on him, or so I thought. “That’s right,” he said. “The music awards.” He sat up. “I’ll change channels right after this inning.”

“Not the music awards,” I said.

“Oh?” He thought for a moment. “Is the dance contest show on tonight?”

I said, “I’m sure there is one but that isn’t it.”

“Not baseball, not music awards, not the dance contest …,” He thought. “Man, I don’t know.”

“America is in danger,” I said. “Try to imagine the worst thing that could happen to us.”

“Oh,” he said, pursing his lips. “Of course.” He switched to another channel where a group of bearded men sat around talking. “No to worry,” he said. “Duck Dynasty is still on the air.”

That’s when I’m afraid I began to yell at him.

“Don’t you even glance at the newspaper?” I screamed. “Don’t you have any idea what is going on? There’s a sickness settling on us. Haven’t you heard? Are you totally out of touch with important events in the world?"

He glared back. “Both Kate and the baby are doing fine, thank you.” he said.

It isn't often that we get the chance to
watch something as historically significant
as the baseball playoffs, and in real-time.
This has been an important week. - C.W.

“Give me the remote,” I said, adding an expletive.

“No,” he said as he thrust it between his legs. “This is important. I want to be able to tell the folks back home that I was watching when the Cardinals clinched the pennant.”

“And what about America defaulting on its financial obligations?”

“Oh that stuff,” he said. “Blah, blah, blah. Sean Hannity will explain all about it later. It’s boring anyway.”

I felt like a deflated balloon.

“Sit down,” he said. “Let me finish this game and then we’ll watch Dr. Phil. That always makes me feel better.”